Shredded Street Drug

[after a 'Nightmare on Elm Street' Marathon] 
No dreams of Freddy... but I did dream that shredded cheese was the new street drug.

I recall walking down the steps of an old cobble stoned building, like a basement or back alley to confiscate a gallon sized Ziploc bag from my youngest sister - it was only half full and it had taken her months to get that much... the ability to get just a pinch of the stuff was terribly difficult to obtain.

HQ & The Great Glass Elevator

We were in NJ at the HQ for work - Jonathan and Marie were both in the elevator with me - it was as if we were going to a Christmas party - we all had tins of various food creations with us - I expected we were going up to the top floor - but after the elevator had ascended for some time all of a sudden we took off diagonally and up and over as if we were on a roller coaster.... It reminded me of Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator - took your breath at first, made your heart race - and then you balanced and enjoyed the ride.

Anytime I have a dream like this I wonder if I am moving in my sleep...did I visibly startle when the elevator caught me off guard?

Self Baked Bread

We couldn't afford to buy bread - and some were scoffing at having to make our own... as if they were too good.  It was soft and I had them try it.. they were resistant to say it was good due to their previous protesting.  

I was cooking something on the stove... my middle sister was there... she had been dipping into chili she made on the other burner... I asked her if she wanted some of what I was making.  She said she didn't want to take if it was going to have to last a while...

Dad was in the background and made some crack about not liking meat, very sarcastically of course.- But it wasn't a jab at me.. he was just trying to be funny.

Onesie Date Avoidance

Shopping for ranges and baby clothes with the world traveler - his sister had a baby and I helped him pick out a onesie that was perfect, though a bit bigger than the baby's current size. - We ran into a girl that worked at one of the stores that he had gone on a date with in the prior month, but had been avoiding... she still seemed interested in him... he, as usual, wasn't really interested in anything.

There was some mix of backyard green-ways and UFOs - but I'm not sure if that was a dream or a thought - it's very vague.

Mechanical Snack Wine Bar

In a wine bar discussing excel formulas that control mechanics while snacking on garlic bread and brussel sprouts. Odd bunch.

Painting a Closed Minded Cove

Family vacation up to the woods - I snuck away to find my own peaceful place to take some nature photos - it was a very small cove where the ocean spilled in and was a clear aqua blue - 2 huge birds sat on the short swells and were most interested in my camera - but you had to worry about their beaks - they could do serious damage to your face.

---
At a gathering of people I knew - a couple of them I was not aware were so closed minded - to the point that they ended up chasing my best friend's partner down the street with the intention of harming him - I was so disappointed and angry - my friend and his partner left unscathed... but I stayed and pleaded with the perpetrators trying to talk sense into them and get them to actually think about what the fuck they were doing and why...As if I were going to miraculously change their views.

I went to my friends house to check on them - visibly shaken they sorted mail making sure what had to go out went out including check donations to various charities.  

---
Painting ceramics - tan for wood, blue for accents..

Liquid Smoke Action Shot

The alarm clock began to smoke...but not to worry, it was still ticking... venturing out into the backyard to jump in a 3 person deep dogpile formation onto an inflated slip-n-slide to catch the perfect action shot on the camera...all while putting off an all day roadtrip to later in the evening.

---
At a hardwood store purchased half gallon liquid nutrient supplements - they were mostly to be used by recovering addicts - for some reason I identified with being one of them.

Scorpion Fragments and Dirt Clumps

Night 2 no sleeping pills - more fragments, up and down all night.

Stuck in an unfamiliar bathroom infested with scorpions - I had a trusty knife to chop them up - first the tails then the bodies- but there were so many and in corners - up on shelves - varying in size - and I was only in socked feet so I was worried still about them on the floor and stepping on them...

---
It was like living in the past and the future at the same time - as if time travel existed on another planet - so going back in time, meant you could travel to the future on a different plant. - walking into a saloon which is supposed to be old western - and finding people in modern steampunk gear having a party.

Forced to move several times - each time having to be kept further and further from the one person you want to be closest to. - each move the scenery more bleak and bland - making it really difficult to find the beauty you make yourself seek in all things. - finally in a place literally in the middle of nowhere on some unknown planet- surrounded by large dirt clumps piled all around the estate - the one that you want to be connected with is viewable through a port window - trapped in a glass room - unable to have any contact other than visual - which just extends the torture of the lack of everything else.  Why such punishment?

---
I was back in the town I grew up - living at my best friends house again as I had done after the fire - but the time was present, not past - I remember walking out of the house into the front lawn and everything around me was as if no time had past at all - so more mixing of time states.

Red Hand-print Dream Frag

Vast amount of traveling... complex subway systems... a black back with a red hand-print on it... a duplicate of a yellow bag once seen (in dream) with a green hand-print on it.

Walking by a business that was closed and then walking by again when it was open.

Pizza with water

None of it makes sense.

Black Widow Dream Fragments

Fragments...
---
I had to kill a black widow that made 4 web strands from the floor to the ceiling in someones house.... after the black widow was killed the music on hold hiccuped every-time the routing came through the webs... ugh.. work seeping into dream land... arg!

---
I had to help with making sandwiches - someone was on a major kick... I think it was PB&J - but I could be mistaken.

Emotional Chicken, Chicken Wings

I had a dream I ate chicken - mostly cause I was hungry and that's what was available at the time.  I felt guilty, disappointed with myself for giving in, and worried about getting sick since it's been nearly 3 years since I have consumed any poultry or red meat - but I was soooo hungry.

My Dad played some role in this dream, though I can't remember much about that... I think it highlighted his inability to emotionally connect... so it's better that I can't remember I suppose.

Friday the 13th Zombie Pregnancy

I was pregnant in a hospital being hunted by Jason from the Friday the 13th movies... it was hard to tell if he was actually hunting me, or the people around me as he seemed to always get them and avoid me... but I was scared nonetheless for myself and the life of the child inside of me.  My middle sister was there in a hospital gown which was covered in oily stains - I wondered what she had been eating but they were large as if she had rolled around in something or had been splashed.

---
Zombies were prevalent and we were kicked off of a cruise ship full of survivors into a motorized life boat - there were several of us - it was strange cause it wasn't like we were boating around in the ocean.. it was more like flooded areas of a city, (a cruise ship in a flooded city? c'mon!) - I remember seeing the top half of a chain link fence with a crooked sign and just below that you can see where the fence had been breached... cut and pulled back like the opening flap of a tent.  Flashed back to a memory of walking out of a house and across a lush green lawn holding that sign.  It was a wooden sign, painted white with black letters... I stood there quiet and just held it....traumatized.  I can't remember what the sign said... and those lined up for the bus at the old school bus stop by my house didn't take much notice.

Haunted Frog and Meatballs

I was eating spaghetti and meatballs, even after watching someone across the table throw up full sized meatballs after consuming them, when I was awoken by work...why do I volunteer to be on call every holiday?!  grrr...I want more sleep.

The only other thing I can remember about that dream was I had a frog... a small one that I could hide in my hand... and I was on an airplane and I let it jump on Jonathan's face and thought it was funny... he didn't get startled...but surely didn't find it as funny as I.  (I do recall reading that frogs in dreams were signs of true friendship..so this delights me!)

I also remember sleeping in a bed in a place that felt haunted... the window open and a white translucent curtain that was something like 12 feet in length blew softly in the breeze.

Paris Performance in a Dress

I flew to Paris to meet him and watch one of his performances... he was living there now.  I connected with one of his love interests on the site of a shoot... once the performance was over I walked on stage to congratulate him for a job well done - impressive as always though he is so modest - I think that's why I enjoy his company.  The floor of seated guests were opened for questions and a middle aged woman asked how did one do the hair.  Her eyes were fixed on me.. she was intrigued by my purple hair...I felt uncomfortable and walked off stage out of any spotlight...that's not any attention I crave....her eyes followed me and she dismissed the question once she realized I wasn't part of the 'act'

His love interest and I sparked up a convo about the ability to work abroad for the respective companies we worked for and found him on a back patio saying goodbye to some of the fellow performers - as soon as he heard me complain that I was unable to access and do my work from abroad he finally became vocal and the other girl jumped in and wanted to engage him more but he semi-dismissed her - I felt bad... she was trying so hard and his interest was mediocre at best bordering on being annoyed with her.  We walked him home... oddly I was wearing a dress as was the other girl and we walked on either side of him.  He was carrying a backpack and a few other things - also overdressed - lots of excessive coverings.  His living quarters were in this community of really neat steep roofed duplex type houses that were painted like old fashioned barns - deep red with white trim and a black or really dark brown shingled roof.  He unlocked his door and let us in... he had 3 or 4 dogs - most of them took much interest in me as I was instantly drawn into them and wanting to give them all equal amounts of attention.  I let them lick my face and give me kisses while I gave them each healthy doses of behind the ear scratches and head petting.

I noticed a lot of pictures adorned the wall... in fact... he had quickly pulled down 2 pictures as we were walking in... not wanting them to be seen.... but I knew why he did it... it was of him and another girl and he didn't want this current interest to get jealous.   Now I empathized with him as this girl in the 'here and now' seemed very overbearing.  He talked to me about one of his dogs always getting sick cause he tended to eat things he wasn't supposed to.

I was sitting on his couch with a dog at my feet and another next to me with his head in my lap when I woke up.

Advanced Growth and Yogurt

Dream is hazy... it was as if I were watching a sitcom... but in real life... as if I were standing in scenes, unseen.  A family who had a surrogate baby - the wife the returned just as the baby was being born... then rapid growth began... the baby was a man before the day was done and then was going to have a yogurt eating contest (blueberry) with Danny DeVito to prove something... whomever could eat the quart of yogurt the fasted meant something.... on the count of 3 they were to start, but this man-baby got 2 spoonfuls shoveled in his mouth at the mention of 1... DeVito let it go and started properly at 3.

That's all I can remember.  I think I had another dream before this too, but I am failing to remember it.  I used to remember all my dreams without fail... and now I'm failing on the regular..

LA Animal Facility

I had a choice to travel to PA to visit with 2 people whom I hardly know or to go to LA, Calif to what I thought was an animal sanctuary.  I weighed my options...I remember thinking about how much the hotel costs would be.  I was at my Mom's house at the time, but the layout of the house was unfamiliar... no house I've ever known us or her to live in.  My pets were there as was a chicken that could shrink to fall through the vent in the floorboard for safe keeping and a monkey that could do the same.

Hmm.. people/animals...people/animals... of course I chose to go to LA.

Traffic was mad - in dream it was 10 times more exaggerated than actual LA traffic (so it was beyond horrendous) - I was at an intersection where the cross traffic didn't stop... I had to get over to the other side... which means I had to cross over 8 lanes of traffic... 4 going one way and 4 going the other... how is that even safe?! - Once on the other-side we reached the high security facility...  The girl in the booth started talking about how I had called them 3 times and that each call cost me $75 to gain access and that it was part of my 3 year plan.   It dawned on me she was talking about my AC plan back home.. and I was clearly irritated cause I wasn't there about my AC - she had me pull around to a waiting lot to park... and moments later came back and produced me a bill which she dwindled down to $38  - this was acceptable to me so I signed.

Once inside it became clear that it wasn't an animal sanctuary in the typical sense...or maybe not any sense at all... they quarantined Freshy in one room to make sure she was disease free and took me in another room and discussed that they were somehow affiliated with Tom Cruise - and the site was testing to save animals by testing on animals...but they assured me that no animals were being harmed - now I was concerned about Freshy I wanted her with me... 

The inside of the facility was very futuristic... and clinical and clean.

Ashes

She said she didn't think she was going to come out and visit anymore - it had something to do with not being able to access games.  ugh.  Apparently I was not a good enough reason to visit.   I turned to walk away and noticed cigarette ashes on the floor - instantly I broke down and turned and said... the 1 thing... the 1 thing I ask is not to smoke in my house.... why??... I just got a shrug like it didn't matter... like I didn't matter.  I was devastated.

Mountain Lion Panic Attack

We had been traveling and at one point realized things had gone missing.... lost a little thing here... a little thing there... took a quick inventory and noted all that was missing.  Only a few of us went out for a hike... one tag-a-long met another at the starting point.  She was relieved it was a stand in person vs the originally invited.  We turned the corner where there was a small man-made pond that included boulders in and around it.  It had a cement surrounding as if we were in an enclosure of sorts.  A mountain lion head peakedout from underneath the water.  I backed up and started to take cover behind the rocks to the west.  My aunt Sandy was really testing her unreasonable luck by getting too close thinking she could play with it like a domesticated animal.  She ended up paying the price when it launched at her pulling her down into the water.  Jenn was the innocent bystander that was targeted now by a 2nd mountain lion... she was crouched on the cement at the ponds edge in a fetal position while the other attacked her from above....I screamed at her to stay still... at this point I realized (one of the rare times) that it was a dream and subconsciously started yelling at myself to wake up...and wake up I did... into a full blown panic attack

Uncomfortable Guarded Privacy

I dreamt that I was helping someone move... we were driving a truck through a dirt field that was staged to be a housing community and greenbelts, but was abandoned before being finished.  There were guards, they stopped people walking, but they did not stop us from driving through.  We pulled up to a chain link fence that had those plastic strappings weaved through them to provide a bit more privacy than your normal run of the mill one... part of it was pulled back... a secret entrance into this apartment community.   It was actually quite a nice place...you just wouldn't have guessed it by the surroundings and the path you had to take to get there.

In the same dream, or perhaps a 2nd dream as I have been sick and woke a few times last night but the dreams felt blended... I dreamt I had to deal with him at work... a work trip and we had to work together to figure out a food situation for a group of people using an iPad...It was cordial, but I was uncomfortable every second of it and just wanted to be done.

Airport Dreams/Reality

I was living back at home in Riverbank and a co-worker had stayed there during a work travel.  I was even in my old bedroom and he slept on the couch in the living room.  He had opened my door to see if I was awake while I was sleeping and quietly closed it to go finish readying himself for his departure... I had been sleeping but was aware this took place.

I woke up and came out to make sure he didn't need anything and offered to give him a ride to the airport.  My middle sister came out and asked if the ketchup she provided him worked out for him... he said it did. - then my alarm went off... my real alarm. cause I really do have to pick up a co-worker from the airport this morning.... ugh... ZZZZzzz

Travelling to Nowhere

We all had to line up at a bus station terminal on the corner of a street near where I once lived....we weren't lining up for a bus though... we were lining up for a flight... but to where? - I got tired of standing in line and made my way through a trendy coffee shop where there were placeholders in each of the tables for you to plug in your game-boy.... game-boy? really? - I didn't have one..but the table at which I sat was broken anyhow.... when they came to try and fix it... I left and walked through what felt like a high school gym with a huge empty olympic sized pool... I was still carrying my luggage... but I don't have any recollection of where I was going.

I had a dream before this one, but I've waited too long to jot it down and have forgotten it - it was brief and I remember thinking in the midst of the semi-waking moment that it was ok with me if I didn't record it.

Baby Visit Sanding

Got to visit both of my nephews at the same time... but one of the kids ended up being, in dream, the kid of an acquaintance of mine.  I was sanding one of the cabinets at my moms house for Dad to re-stain... I didn't get to finish what I was doing cause I was distracted.  Jen had lost most of her baby weight and we talked about her going back to work, I told her to spend as much time with her kid as she could..

SD

Dreamt I moved to San Diego

AA Park Meeting

We were at a meeting in a park about work... about conversions...In the park we sat on top of a bench that sat in the half way into a local body of water.  The girl of the boy/girl team was replaced by my best friend from HS.  She said she had to leave the conversion early and fly home cause her mom was being admitted into the hospital for alcoholism....  I felt so bad, so helpless... there was nothing I could do to make that situation better.

It was warm, but fall cause all the leaves on the trees had turned.  I watched her walk across the rock yard and walk down into a subway to depart for home.

Need to Masturbate

I dreamt that I was masturbating.  Even in the presence of family I couldn't stop myself... I had to get off.  I was wearing pink underwear and using a pink vibrating bullet.

Overwhelming Bleeding Target

I don't even want to share this dream, but I know I dreamt it for the purpose of dealing with the emotional damage that I've been neglecting to face...semi by choice, semi by force of having to mask it while in the company of others.

In dream he targeted both of my sisters at the same time... This actually triggered the emotional anger response that I have been lacking for myself. I grabbed the phone from my youngest and exclaimed at him "what the fuck do you think you are doing?!!" - I threatened to out him if he ever contacted either of my sisters again. He was cold and unsympathetic, zero care.... I remember saying something along the lines of ... If I have to be nasty I will... it's a behavior so so SO out of my nature, but when it comes to protecting my family there is no end. I don't want my sisters to know this type of hurt.  

Jenn was upset...she didn't want to let go, fuck if I didn't know that feeling... but then I thought to myself.. what about your boyfriend?, and to my other sister... what about your husband?  A similar question I thought about the other party involved... 

I really don't get people... really, I don't....why would anyone do this? 

The reality of it all slit the throat of my remaining self-worth... choking and bleeding with my hands gripped tightly around my neck in an effort to survive.  I'm just barely keeping my head above water lately.
 
Clearly I'm still emotionally overwhelmed by the whole ordeal.... Everyone was in the wrong here...especially me... I just want it to stop... but the reality of it all is there is still a part of me that wants it all back... the way I thought it was... that, I think, is what upsets me the most at this stage.... I deserve better than that...but the part that knows it, is too frail to convince the rest of me just yet.

The Dreaming Tree: Crush

How can I not try this?!

Forget the Luggage

Can't remember much but it was all about travelling and forgetting my suitcase...whether it was to pack it..or to retrieve it from the car once I got to the airport and through security. - forgetfulness... so what am I really forgetting in waking life?

Roadtrips, Cookies and Bleach

Road trip with Ian - and we ordered food at one place...was going to leave to another since he or I, can't remember, wanted something different...but we got stuck in the parkinglot - someone had rummaged through my suitcase and put on one of the zentai suits I had in there... another whom sat next to the now mess on the bench, complained why anyone would have their luggage there... I explained I was travelling and asked the young man in the zentai suit to give it back and I frantically repacked my belongings... Ian had fallen asleep in the car... and it was nearly midnight before I went back to check on our food order... they were closed... I had the impression that this had happened multiple times before.

----

Scott was making cookies for a cookie and milk get-together...except he couldn't stop consuming what he laid out.   By the time people were to arrive he was out of milk and out of baked cookies.  He filled bucket with bleach and laid out oreos... I was locked in a room with only a small window to witness what he was doing.  People came and consumed and didn't notice.

Rucksack Speed Read

In a rucksack I carried a handful of items...most memorable was my phone and one of my favorite gas masks... I sat it on the counter at some arcade we visited after work.  I remember pulling out my phone and finding that the screen was cracked and the glass lens of the rear camera also had a crack... Walking through the mall to find the Mac store to have them fix it was a pain... I don't recall ever making it there.

----

Driving around in his hometown I was going too fast and got pulled over by the local cops... they were most inquisitive if I had been taking pictures while driving... I allowed them to look through my phone to prove I had not been.  They took us back to their house where the lady sheriffs kids were returning home from a stint away at summer camp.   I found his autobiographical self made book and read most of the whole thing.. I think I skipped some parts but confessed to him about reading it and said I hoped he didn't mind.

Library Revisits

Bagels at the library...the parking lot an emptied Olympic sized pool...revisited by Nubbin, Pepper and 2 others from the past... I felt and feel bad for not remembering what I had named them...it's not because they were any less special...it was just overwhelming.

Blind Transparent Delays

Flight Delay - was put on a bus that I assumed was going to take me to the next available flight....it was a packed bus and the driver let me sit in the front seat with him... 5 mins into it the driver announces that it's a bus that is going to drive to the destination.... I make him stop and let me out... I start crying as I walk back to the airport... made it just in time for the actual flight I was supposed to be on

---  

Group dinner with some people I knew, some I didn't.... across the street there was a police SWAT van where they were running drills... I spoke to one girl who had to keep adjusting her swat gear cause it was made for a man and not a woman....the bill came out to over $900 - I paid for $200 of it.. and another lady $60...the rest went on the bosses' credit card

---

First hand witness to the making of the music video for 'Blindly' - Rik was wearing a white transparent latex suit...parts of his face were covered by white gauze made to look antique or rustic...he sang into a mic that was equipped with a ring flash - it illuminated his bright blue eyes... his spiky hair styled into a very significant and solid design...when he sang there was a lot of emphasis on his mouth, teeth and lips as he pronounced words and sang certain verses...he pulled away to look at the production capture to see if it was to his liking...when turned you can see he had a tail and the latex suit was made to accommodate it.

Secret Untrust

He would stop by my place on his way home... it was as if it were our first time together... well it would have been, so that makes sense... he wore a white t-shirt and while he wasn't aggressive, he was very passionate in the way he kissed.... I tried to soak in every bit of him as I was only allowed bits and pieces...never the whole. I was scared to touch him...but I couldn't help myself... I wanted to know him...every inch of him....though I knew he was bad for me for he had already broken my trust.

I talked about taking Jen to Germany provided she could still travel while pregnant.. I considered asking him if he wanted to join... hoping he would run away with me there. We were in some empty field for a secret meeting and he lifted me up... I was surprised at the ease and I laughed and said I didn't think he could do it. He didn't go where he said he was going to go... and he wasn't doing what he said he was going to do. Frustrating and disappointing...but I kept trying.... I kept trying knowing it would never change....but still holding on to hope that maybe he would. I'm my own worst enemy.

Intervention Dreams

Jeff was given a second chance at something...must have been life cause when I woke up I remembered that Mom had told me he passed away just a couple months ago... the dream felt desperate...trying to convince someone of what is good for them...for his kids... Jer showed up as if he was the concerned brother - but gave up and left... Jeff was laying on the bed his shirt was a soccer style shirt... yellow with green strips over the arms... I sat next to him and leaned over him... trying to convince him in a pleading way that if he needed my help...no matter what it was... to call me.. I'd be there...and to think of his kids...if not for himself.. for his kids.  -  so strange to dream of them... I haven't seen his kids since they were little.. and now they are all grown.  I hope they are doing okay.

---

There was a group of people sitting in the room as if they were waiting for someone to instruct them... a classroom expectation - I went to locate the instructor and ask why this group was made to wait so long (hours) - she gave me some retarded excuse and indicated they would be waiting a lot longer...I think I encouraged them to leave.  bit fuzzy on that one.

Brain-Eating Bookworm Busey

I dreamt that Gary Busey was a zombie.. and he was good at sneaking up on people cause he would occupy himself by reading some book that was adapted to some movie he was in.

Red Velvet Kittens

Kittens galore...a couple with red velvet colored spots.

Van Murders and Puke

Stuck in a van made to witness the driver murder all of the other passengers...we struggled for the gun...I shot him in the foot and kicked him out...a quick slide over into the drivers seat and I sped away. First time puke in dream then I phoned the police as he stumbled back towards the starting point.

Crushing 3 Awkward Spiders

Multiple awkward shared living spaces and the crushing of 3 spiders in an open forum restroom.

Runny Nose Waterskiing

Runny nose pictures on new work badges and barefoot waterskiing down aqueduct channels

6 White Tigers

Amusement park visit that required you supply a picture of yourself with the number 6 to gain entry...once inside there was a dining attraction where you were encouraged to throw peppermint candies still on the wrapper at each other...I ended up throwing an ice cream sandwich that came out of the wrapper and stuck to a patrons forearm....next I was responsible for putting away a group of white tigers...packed away in cardboard boxes after being used with a symphony for a Peter Gabriel music video.

Flooded Attack of the Baby Teeth

A multiple mountain lion attack...rain that filled my backyard to the brim...a botched robbery attempt and the recovery of my baby teeth that someone else tried to claim as their own.

Underwater Stray Dog Tour

Underwater martial arts training and 3 stray dogs outside a hole in the wall convenience store after a fly by tour down the sandy coast of Florida.

Dumb Spin-Outs on an Old 45

literally slept all day. dreams of spin-outs on poorly lit desolate freeways and the bringing together of Lloyd and Harry as if Dumb and Dumber never happened - they were old men that lived across the hall from each other in an old Victorian style apartment building - their common bond: old rock n' roll records which they played on an old 45 player in the common area.

Swimming with Amputated Widows in the Snow

12hr sleep broken by 4 wakes and accompanied by dreams of amputated limbs...a monster sized black widow... a trip to a snowy place with elaborate wooden porches...and a swim in a lake.

Toothless Cracked Observations of the Missing

dream 1: under a bridge by the ocean on our way back on from Russia - I held a small toothless shark - released him back into the bay

dream 2 - car was parked in a parking lot - the fence fell and several cars rolled down the hill across the street before coming to a stop at the curb - I jumped in my car really quickly and high tailed it out of there - but someone had already taken a hammer to the windsheild so there were several impact cracks.

Back to the house where Ian was supposed to have been waiting - it was late - walked in to the TV on - but no one to be found - it looked like parts of the house had been disturbed - but it also felt like my first time in the house - unfamililar though I was supposed to have been living there - 1 bathroom bathtub full of used shampoo bottles - weird items found in weird shelves - a stack of wet towels in the shower stall that I thought I would find him under - but again... nothing. he was gone or he had never been?

Chemo in a Boat

He had cancer - his mom drove a small sailboat that had wheels...she stopped at the pharmacy to pick up the meds as she was going to be the one administering them.

DeLorean/Volorian - Tomato/Toemato

Dreamt I got to do a ride-a-long in a 2012 DeLorean...but in dream I spelled it as Volorian....shows how much I know huh?

Naked Observations

An old friend from afar crawled down the hallway naked and said he needed me...back in my hometown my observational skills paid off when I ID'd a bookie that came to collect another's debt...it was going to be worked off...but I refused to let that be so and headed to the bank to withdraw the funds with the hope that would end it...but I knew he was going to be depended on again when money was tight.

Yogurt Reflections of Broken Trust

I kept punching her in the arm telling her to just be real with me and quit selling me bullshit...I opened a yogurt and ate it while realizing...I still can't believe a single thing anyone says to me....considering the movie before bed...this was the better dream.

Gold Collision Point

Riverbank neighbor in the gold zenti suit pushed around the car he sold me and tried to place the blame on me when it collided with another neighbors house. No harm no foul said that neighbor...but that wasn't the point.

Two-Headed Tsunami

Tsunami waves against high rise windows and the two headed lion maned dog Roxi

Singed Remnants of My Gutted Life.

There had been an electrical fire in the old studio apartment...when I entered the room you could smell the burnt plastic, the singed stucco and wood... the west wall was gutted and a note from the landlord hung there to call her.  Hidden behind the note, just as they had been hidden in the wall was 2 medical supply boxes full of unused needle toppers.  He told me to leave...I had to find somewhere else to live.  Everyone thought he was dead...what was he going to do? - While attempting to renew my stay at a hotel I noticed they were trying to tow my car... I ran out and begged and pleaded with them to give me a pass considering my life was shattered and I'm doing my best to hold it together... I just don't need this to happen right now.  The cop was clear that he didn't believe my story...but that he would give me a pass.  2 days to find a new place to live and although the one that returned from the dead rejected me, I found myself still more concerned about him than myself.

Subtle Separations

together but separate...subtle but in my face

The Monkey on My Back

a broken relationship and a monkey that could fit in a candy coke bottle.

HIgh Cost of Sugar and Cadbury Eggs

I dreamt it cost $22.50 to get less than a cup of sugar... it had to be purchased through a vending machine cause it was too dangerous to go back to the house to collect some... we rode in boats down the waterways between houses hidden under blankets to avoid being shot at... I collected purple and gold foil covered cadbury eggs to give to all of the children that had to stay in hiding, and some for the men that rowed the boats.

Clearly Cancelled

I dreamt a reality dream....the clearest one of him.  having supposed to have been here, but trip was cancelled once again...it felt as though this was going to be the usual thing, time and time again.

No Shirt, No Pants, No Points, No Service.

I had returned to Richvale to visit for a funeral - an extended family member, I returned more for support of others than to for any self grieving.  Sheryl Crow was my sister in dream and highly annoyed with me...so much so that she left a day early and didn't say anything.  One night we had all piled into a suburban and hit a local bar... it was ran by an Asian man and when I asked him for a drink he asked if I had 1000 points on my card...that this was a special night and he was only serving those customers that had racked up 1000 points on this bar club card - W.T.F? - So I said I didn't know and was basically denied service... so I walked outside and starting yelling to those I came with "HEY YOU GUYS!" - (not like the Goonies "HEY YOU GUYS") - I was only intending to get those that came with me's attention so that we could leave and go somewhere else... but the Asian man took it as if I was going to start bad mouthing his bar to anyone and everyone outside and I could hear him yelling "No!" multiple times over from inside the bar... we piled back in the suburban and drove back to my mom's house.  The bar owner was so furious in his assumption that he ordered a hit out on me. - So any open windows at my mom's house at night where you can see in, but not out, gave me terrible fright.   I remember unplugging the cable box as if I were going to take it with me on my greyhound bus ride back... but aborted that idea and put it back in place before Dad saw.  I had an IPAD to keep myself entertained for the journey home.  The two hit-men appeared and one had to do a strip search..so he removed his shirt and I noticed a large mural tattoo'd on his back... the impression was he was a fire-fighter based on this tattoo... then his pants came off.. he had a noticeable hard-on - he wasn't traditionally attractive...but his body style was appealing to me.. and he did have a nice cock....then I caught the other hit-man, his accomplice...watching me to see if I was looking at his friend.. I smiled a guilty smile and then went about my business.. it was a line... the strip searched firefighter later contacted me interested in dating...too bad for him..even in dream I was interested in someone else.

Snoring Strikes Again

he fell asleep on me on the car ride home from a concert.  I remember thinking, that is sweet.  Later at his house he fell asleep on me on his couch....I felt an odd closeness to him...but not long after I woke to find him gone.  He came in from the outside and I asked him if my snoring woke him up... he admitted it had.. I apologized...snoring such a touchy subject....damn.

Homeless Hotel Hugs

Another dream of Ian being alive...and the feeling of having 'rescued' him.  We were in a hotel room - it was as if we had no where else to go, to be...we were laying in the bed together and I asked him about what his sister had told me...that the girl he had been with had been forcing him to give her all his money...this made him uncomfortable and he talked it off as if he had only given her some and it was given freely...but I knew better... he felt ashamed that someone could have had that much control over him.  He hugged me tight...I've always known, and his sister reminded me that I was all he had.  I breathed him in and was reminded how much I loved the way he smelled...we were both homeless...we had no one... no where.  I felt guilt spill in as I had wished that I was laying there with someone else.  I will always love Ian, always...but my time of being with him was, and has been over...I knew he wouldn't be able to accept that, so I kept it to myself.

Handicap Koi Pond

I was going to buy the house from my sister and her former boyfriend - it had a koi pond in the courtyard.  It was a big house.. long...easy to get lost in.  I hadn't yet seen one whole side of the house...the side that housed Nick's room.  Complete worry sat in as I realized how much they had modified the house to accommodate his handicap.  Worry because I didn't know how they would afford to complete this to any new place they would move.  Woke up feeling as though I had been crying.

Stuck in a Storage Unit, Truth Seeking

woke up so depressed and not knowing what day it was...I'm going to blame it on staying up too late and unaided sleep resulting in a "The Killing" style dream... stuck in a storage unit attempting to find truth, struck full of fear when danger lurks outside and there is nowhere to hide. Make your escape and sleep in the back of a car parked on a pier while your lookout sleeps in front. Someone spots you and there's no more time to sleep...all you can do to stay safe is drive.

Jonestown Forget-Me-Nots in NY

I woke up in the water of some bay in New York, New York...the boat was an old cream colored classic car converted to float.  When we returned to shore they backed the classic car boat into the water of a smaller bay to dock it... my purse was still inside and the driver went to grab it and jumped out, but still landed in the water, so all of the contents were damp.   I  remember walking down a hallway of somewhere thinking...why is this place so special? - once inside of anywhere it just feels like anywhere-else.  In the alley way next to a huge grocery store there was a ragged hole in the brick wall...this was the old passage way to Jonestown (this is what I get for watching a documentary about that place before my nap) - There was a single plant that grew next to it, and I was most fascinated by the way the light hit it...a spotlight on the brightest blue forget-me-nots I had ever seen.  I was trying to get my camera to focus on them and just the right angle..when people started to come through the broken passage in the wall.  They were real people, but yet they carried the spirit of someone long past.  I skipped the line at the restaurant and sat with Dad and Uncle Bill before departing for home.

In-Between Secret Notes and Spandex Slime

Had to park on the street...only later to find that someone had attempted to break in using a Phillips screwdriver.... you could clearly see the + pattern in between the crease of the door... but upon closer inspection there was a hidden compartment behind that held secret notes....but who had left them?


---
walking through what felt like a circus or fair... went into a tent that was made for men... wearing all spandex...sat in a chair that would ooze a slimy substance from up above... it wasn't coming out fast enough...so I pulled the trigger harder until I was satisfied by the coverage after rubbing it all about.  Sat at a table to try on specs.. they were all square frames, again meant for men and their chiseled faces...but I tried them on anyways since I have such an obsession with wanting to wear glasses... I started turning the display to look at more... and Brooke Shields started laughing on the other side of the table and she was consulting a client... he had been looking as I started to turn them away from him... I laughed back and apologized and went on my way.


---
A service man at the old house in Riverbank inquired about me...I explained I was 'in-between' places right now as he folded my blankets from the couch in which I slept...I had a shopping bag from a well known department store filled with stuffed animals that would come to life when no one else was looking... we were going to sleep on the roof when I realized... I actually have my own house...what am I doing here?

Emotional Dreams of Betrayal and Escape

Back at the old house in Riverbank...the person I allowed myself to be closest, whom has somewhat re-entered my life... lived next door...I later found out that he was the father of my sisters baby - and she did everything she could to rub it in my face...though he chose to go to avoid and ignore route...it was a rage dream... I remember breaking a wine glass and throwing part of it over the fence in a fit... and considered cutting myself again with the remaining shards...I sat there staring at my already scarred arm from past abuses contemplating what the outcome would be if I were to pick up that habit again.  I was so hurt.  I was so angry.  I felt so alone.  Later I was trying to escape someone in a neurology ward of a hospital...  There is just too many things going on for me emotionally right now, and I lack a solid support system.

White Lycra and Rollerskates

rollerskating in white lycra in a mall and losing your car somewhere between carwash battles.

Old Best Friends and a Wrestlers Junk

My best friend from HS Marie challenged a wrestler.  It was dark and he stood on my poorly lit porch.  I helped him zip up his spandex suit - but instead of grabbing the zipper I grabbed a pubic hair - he exclaimed it was 'gross' - as if he were embarrassed - I replied it wasn't gross and handled his junk as if it were nothing... then pulled the spandex zipper away from his body and zipped it up...the ring in the backyard awaited their battle.

Warped and Rearranged

More dreams within dreams...Fall asleep craving the love you've always wanted, just out of reach, mostly due to your own inability to believe anyone could care that much about you....dream of a broken family - a highly exaggerated and very warped version of your own.  A drunk father with borderline tendencies to have inappropriate relations with his daughter - a daughter that considered just to feel a sliver of love.  So fucked up that she thinks that's what love is.  Selfish sisters that you feel you have to rearrange yourself to be part of the clique...and where was mom... where was mom?  I woke to find my backyard in an upheaval...Phase II dug up hidden control panels in both the front and the back, the neighbor noticeably rearranged a piece of his yard - was I supposed to say something to him about it? - this project is going to take much longer than expected...maybe it's best I leave it alone.

Hotdogs and Onions

all the little girl would eat was hotdogs and onions

Violation and Exposure

a dream of violation and exposure...then waiting for the hit.


---
details shared later:
took my dogs to the river - forgot to lock the car - came back and someone had obviously rummaged through my belongings, but did not take anything - instead rearranged things in my wallet to let me know they had been there.

Walking Dead Survival Dream

walking dead survival dream. tents. auditoriums. kidnappings.

Stair Climbing in the Snow

bitten by a rattlesnake that was once a man after an incident of blindness while stair climbing in the snow...with an added case of vertigo I held on for dear life as I feared I was going to fall or be pushed in the icey river below.

Dreams within Dreams

waking up from a dream after waking up from a dream within a dream...2 dreams deep I dreamt he showed up alive again...I woke into the top layer dream while trying to take picture proof of him alive...the first attempts all I saw through the camera was myself in a mask....In this dream began relaying the dream I had to someone who clearly didn't care as I started crying saying "I should have known it was a dream when I asked him to change from a cat back to himself". Freshy barked and woke me from that dream...but I wonder if I am still in one.

Armadillos and Neighbor Lights

armadillos and neighbor lights

Watching the Earth Turn Red from the Moon

I woke up on the moon only to find the man that got us there had died... it was just me and my sisters...or so I thought... there were also spiritual guests...some not too pleasant...we could see earth quite easily...it was now a red planet with temps reaching well into 300 degrees...I worried about my parents...there were strange bugs there... at one point I realized it was a dream and blamed it on something I watched before bed...but I watched nothing last night...another dream within a dream.

The Combined Efforts of the Consciousnesses

I haven't been able to recall my dreams too clearly lately...but I have felt a strong presence on the fringe the last 2 sleeps...both aware in my subconscious and conscious. They (my consciousnesses) worked together to keep it on the outskirts, thwarting all efforts at attempting to be in the forefront.


When your mom tells you that you keep everyone at a distance, it must be true.

People in a Tin Box

in an old run down house I found an old tin box full of pictures of people whom no longer existed...with each viewing, those in the photos, appeared in the room....the neighbor ate cereal and told me something about each photo I viewed. At night he wore a hazmat suit and a gas mask to keep warm...and kept watch to keep me safe from lurking dangers.

Head Shaving Exposures

she picked him out from the 3 that were eligible to pick from... he wasn't the most attractive from an outsiders perspective...but if you got to know him he was definitely the best pick from the bunch and that always shines through on the outside...they frolicked on the shore and she began to shave his head which exposed one of those psychological sectional drawings on his head...he was in a hurry as though it were a race and he took off towards the water with a small tuft of hair still attached to his head. hmm....3rd theme of head shaving in the past week... what does it mean? - AND - txting someone at 5am to say you've had a bad dream and need to know if they are OK is embarrassing, but really it's the only way I'm going to relieve my worried mind.

Hybrid Sharks in Australia

ok...remind me to not read about the evolution of hybrid sharks before bedtime...still waking and dreaming multiple times through the night...and 2 of them had to do with shark infested waters as warned by a plaque on the austrailian shore then the witnessing of an attack just 3 yards offshore. the realism was grotesque and now I'm all panicky and exhausted. I know it was just a dream...but my body reacts as though it really happened. I feel sick.

Sonic Air Rifle Testing

3 wake ups... 3 dreams.....I was testing a sonic air rifle... the trigger had to be pulled while you were cocking the gun...it was a tricky thing to master... and the damage to anything shot was somewhat delayed...you would watch the progress as the air compressed against whatever it was that was hit....I blew a perfect circle through the bottom half of the door... the adjoining wall was already demolished by others prior test shots.. I went around to the back of the building to find supplies to temporarily fix the door and wall... while others pulled up to make purchases. There was a stand off moment when one came out holding a gun, but the owner was no where to be seen, I thought for sure he had been shot and we were next.

Paying for Something Real

In the middle of downtown somewhere that had steep hilly roads, I saw him on a date, though it wasn't a typical date, he paid for her company..when he ran into me in the street I didn't allow him to know I knew...he would have been ashamed and embarrassed... but something told me, that although it was an arrangement.. it would soon turn into something real for him...it was about time.

Barbie Shoes in the Basement

she couldn't stand that I called her shiny pink shoes 'barbie shoes' - surprising as she wanted and liked to be the center of attention...she kept asking what else I noticed, what else was different.. I didn't care, but said 'didn't you used to wear glasses?' she gave a satisfied grin, and I was annoyed. thousands of tall brown pillars of dust rose from the ground as we all hid down in the basement...