Clearly Cancelled

I dreamt a reality dream....the clearest one of him.  having supposed to have been here, but trip was cancelled once again...it felt as though this was going to be the usual thing, time and time again.

No Shirt, No Pants, No Points, No Service.

I had returned to Richvale to visit for a funeral - an extended family member, I returned more for support of others than to for any self grieving.  Sheryl Crow was my sister in dream and highly annoyed with me...so much so that she left a day early and didn't say anything.  One night we had all piled into a suburban and hit a local bar... it was ran by an Asian man and when I asked him for a drink he asked if I had 1000 points on my card...that this was a special night and he was only serving those customers that had racked up 1000 points on this bar club card - W.T.F? - So I said I didn't know and was basically denied service... so I walked outside and starting yelling to those I came with "HEY YOU GUYS!" - (not like the Goonies "HEY YOU GUYS") - I was only intending to get those that came with me's attention so that we could leave and go somewhere else... but the Asian man took it as if I was going to start bad mouthing his bar to anyone and everyone outside and I could hear him yelling "No!" multiple times over from inside the bar... we piled back in the suburban and drove back to my mom's house.  The bar owner was so furious in his assumption that he ordered a hit out on me. - So any open windows at my mom's house at night where you can see in, but not out, gave me terrible fright.   I remember unplugging the cable box as if I were going to take it with me on my greyhound bus ride back... but aborted that idea and put it back in place before Dad saw.  I had an IPAD to keep myself entertained for the journey home.  The two hit-men appeared and one had to do a strip search..so he removed his shirt and I noticed a large mural tattoo'd on his back... the impression was he was a fire-fighter based on this tattoo... then his pants came off.. he had a noticeable hard-on - he wasn't traditionally attractive...but his body style was appealing to me.. and he did have a nice cock....then I caught the other hit-man, his accomplice...watching me to see if I was looking at his friend.. I smiled a guilty smile and then went about my business.. it was a line... the strip searched firefighter later contacted me interested in dating...too bad for him..even in dream I was interested in someone else.

Snoring Strikes Again

he fell asleep on me on the car ride home from a concert.  I remember thinking, that is sweet.  Later at his house he fell asleep on me on his couch....I felt an odd closeness to him...but not long after I woke to find him gone.  He came in from the outside and I asked him if my snoring woke him up... he admitted it had.. I apologized...snoring such a touchy subject....damn.

Homeless Hotel Hugs

Another dream of Ian being alive...and the feeling of having 'rescued' him.  We were in a hotel room - it was as if we had no where else to go, to be...we were laying in the bed together and I asked him about what his sister had told me...that the girl he had been with had been forcing him to give her all his money...this made him uncomfortable and he talked it off as if he had only given her some and it was given freely...but I knew better... he felt ashamed that someone could have had that much control over him.  He hugged me tight...I've always known, and his sister reminded me that I was all he had.  I breathed him in and was reminded how much I loved the way he smelled...we were both homeless...we had no one... no where.  I felt guilt spill in as I had wished that I was laying there with someone else.  I will always love Ian, always...but my time of being with him was, and has been over...I knew he wouldn't be able to accept that, so I kept it to myself.

Handicap Koi Pond

I was going to buy the house from my sister and her former boyfriend - it had a koi pond in the courtyard.  It was a big house.. long...easy to get lost in.  I hadn't yet seen one whole side of the house...the side that housed Nick's room.  Complete worry sat in as I realized how much they had modified the house to accommodate his handicap.  Worry because I didn't know how they would afford to complete this to any new place they would move.  Woke up feeling as though I had been crying.

Stuck in a Storage Unit, Truth Seeking

woke up so depressed and not knowing what day it was...I'm going to blame it on staying up too late and unaided sleep resulting in a "The Killing" style dream... stuck in a storage unit attempting to find truth, struck full of fear when danger lurks outside and there is nowhere to hide. Make your escape and sleep in the back of a car parked on a pier while your lookout sleeps in front. Someone spots you and there's no more time to sleep...all you can do to stay safe is drive.

Jonestown Forget-Me-Nots in NY

I woke up in the water of some bay in New York, New York...the boat was an old cream colored classic car converted to float.  When we returned to shore they backed the classic car boat into the water of a smaller bay to dock it... my purse was still inside and the driver went to grab it and jumped out, but still landed in the water, so all of the contents were damp.   I  remember walking down a hallway of somewhere thinking...why is this place so special? - once inside of anywhere it just feels like anywhere-else.  In the alley way next to a huge grocery store there was a ragged hole in the brick wall...this was the old passage way to Jonestown (this is what I get for watching a documentary about that place before my nap) - There was a single plant that grew next to it, and I was most fascinated by the way the light hit it...a spotlight on the brightest blue forget-me-nots I had ever seen.  I was trying to get my camera to focus on them and just the right angle..when people started to come through the broken passage in the wall.  They were real people, but yet they carried the spirit of someone long past.  I skipped the line at the restaurant and sat with Dad and Uncle Bill before departing for home.

In-Between Secret Notes and Spandex Slime

Had to park on the street...only later to find that someone had attempted to break in using a Phillips screwdriver.... you could clearly see the + pattern in between the crease of the door... but upon closer inspection there was a hidden compartment behind that held secret notes....but who had left them?


---
walking through what felt like a circus or fair... went into a tent that was made for men... wearing all spandex...sat in a chair that would ooze a slimy substance from up above... it wasn't coming out fast enough...so I pulled the trigger harder until I was satisfied by the coverage after rubbing it all about.  Sat at a table to try on specs.. they were all square frames, again meant for men and their chiseled faces...but I tried them on anyways since I have such an obsession with wanting to wear glasses... I started turning the display to look at more... and Brooke Shields started laughing on the other side of the table and she was consulting a client... he had been looking as I started to turn them away from him... I laughed back and apologized and went on my way.


---
A service man at the old house in Riverbank inquired about me...I explained I was 'in-between' places right now as he folded my blankets from the couch in which I slept...I had a shopping bag from a well known department store filled with stuffed animals that would come to life when no one else was looking... we were going to sleep on the roof when I realized... I actually have my own house...what am I doing here?

Emotional Dreams of Betrayal and Escape

Back at the old house in Riverbank...the person I allowed myself to be closest, whom has somewhat re-entered my life... lived next door...I later found out that he was the father of my sisters baby - and she did everything she could to rub it in my face...though he chose to go to avoid and ignore route...it was a rage dream... I remember breaking a wine glass and throwing part of it over the fence in a fit... and considered cutting myself again with the remaining shards...I sat there staring at my already scarred arm from past abuses contemplating what the outcome would be if I were to pick up that habit again.  I was so hurt.  I was so angry.  I felt so alone.  Later I was trying to escape someone in a neurology ward of a hospital...  There is just too many things going on for me emotionally right now, and I lack a solid support system.