First Person Life to Movie

It was like living a life and then having a movie made based on that life.

I had forced myself to watch the first part of the movie telling myself I wouldn't watch the 2nd half.  But of course I did.  I remember walking through a department store makeup section where there were booths where the makeup girls could sit you down and give you make up consultations.  I was crying and looking for someone I knew for comfort.

In the last part of the movie, which again, was made to depict something that happened to me in my life..  there were 3 of us I think (fuzzy) returning from a retreat... a friend of mine (who is no friend I know in my waking life) was with a guy I was friends with but secretly wanted to be more than friends with - they were riding on a motorcycle together and I was on another.. can't recall if I was solo or with someone.. but I feel like it there was only 3 of us.. you couldn't see me in the movie.. it was almost as if I was there but not actually there.. like a story told through my eyes.

I was happy for them, but sad for myself.  and then, the climax... they wrecked and I wasn't there to help or save them... the girl died on impact.. and my friend, the one who reminds me of Ian.. he laid in this field that in my mind was a patch of area to the right within the first few feet of the old dirt road in Oroville.  He had been riding with his cock out and he felt for it.. luckily it had obtained no damage in the dismount..   He was bloody.. and you can tell that his end would come soon... he jerked off in his final moments.

So I'm walking through this maze of makeup booths crying, about this movie, about this thing that really happened to me (not really in waking life... but in this dream life).  Telling the person that I was there to see that I shouldn't have watched it, but I couldn't help myself.

The scene cuts to going to this Ian-like friend's apartment - they were going to burn it down as the finale to the movie... focused on a small corner desk.. the corner was dark, and the cherry wooden desk was illuminated by a small desk lamp... on top of it was a small stop watch... you heard clicking coming from a drawer.. open it and find a grab bag of random items there including an unopened boxed toy from toy story.. one of those claw machine characters.  There was a stethoscope and another stop watch/timer that had been making the clicks..

That's all I can remember.