His oldest daughter was doing a piano recital... it was her rendition of a Coldplay song - she was beautiful and her performance was equally gorgeous.
The 'other girl' wanted to show me pictures/videos to prove that he's just not who we thought he was...she was determined to show me what a fool he was....she was sitting in a chair at the computer and I hugged her from behind... I had this feeling of her being in the same place I was... or experiencing the same feelings as me... all this time I have doubted that... and I think in waking life I still do.
I just can't trust - and I hate that he seeped into my dreams again after this much time. Perhaps it's my way of dealing with the extra steps I've taken to keep him as far removed from me as possible... I have felt great relief since severing related connections - it's one more step in the finality of something that tribally I didn't want to let go of, but on a higher level, know that I must.
Could be worse I guess... I could be dreaming about rescuing Ian from his suicide again. Part of me wishes I was though... just to see him again.
No comments:
Post a Comment